I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Randomize
