I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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