They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Randomize
