seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
