THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
