I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
this boner is exhausting
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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