Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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