haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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