I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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