you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
