hell yes lets make some ravioli
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize