Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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