he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Enjoy the penises
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
