nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
