i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
