Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Randomize
