He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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