it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
