I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
