I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
She's the barista slut.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
