In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
