I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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