A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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