I think I died a long time ago.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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