I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
