My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Randomize
