I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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