This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
