There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
