I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
