What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
