Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
