Swine flu. Run for my life!
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
