cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
