guys are only as good as the porn they watch
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
