I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
