Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
