One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
