I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Someone came in the potted fern
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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