I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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