You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Randomize
