Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm at about main and main street
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
