the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
