Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
