btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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