it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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