do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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