i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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