i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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