i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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