its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
