Have you finally orgasmed yet?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
