AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
