I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
