Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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