He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
