I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
