I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
