I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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