We're facebook friends in real life
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
