he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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