she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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