this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
