Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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