First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
