so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
