i don't like sucking hair
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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