My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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