I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
