He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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