I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
