I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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